Judgmental hypocrisy

Wednesday night I had a couple of conversations with friends of Dave at the memorial concert. One conversation in particular got me all riled up. I won't name the person of course, but I will relate the substance of our discussion because it was about this topic of the church. He approached me and was very openly blaming my brother's death on another individual, who in his estimation, was primarily responsible for getting Dave into heavy drug use. I have no idea if this is really true or not, because I was not there and did not see what he saw. But I was taken aback at how harsh he was being in his statements about this person. I know this person as well, and have reason to think better of this individual than he thought I should. It occurred to me that he, being a very close companion of Dave's for the last couple years, probably was trying to shift any sense of blame off of himself, though he also openly indulges in the same lifestyle.

Before I go on, a side note is in order. I have struggled a lot with feelings of anger and a desire for violent revenge against those who encouraged David to live the way he did, and who encouraged him in leaving the church. I know I have to forgive, and by the grace of God I am forgiving. I say, "am forgiving" rather than "have forgiven" because the moment I think I'm over it, those feelings come back. So it's a process, not an event. But it's a process I'm committed to sticking with, by God's grace. The reason I say this is because I know there is a significant chance that the two people I am discussing will read this. I want you both to know that I am not holding any grudges. David is responsible for his own actions, and we are responsible for love and forgiveness.

So anyway, he was blaming David's death on this other person, and I was pointing out that Dave made his own choices and we shouldn't really just blame one person. I pointed out that Dave's first mistake was abandoning the church, and that if he had not done so, he would not have been vulnerable to that kind of influence in the first place. That statement elicited a lengthy monologue from him about how bad church is and how hypocritical church people are, and how judgmental and unloving they are. This dragged on for some time. I was feeling really emotional, and struggling to keep it under control so I just let him ramble on for a while. Then I finally cut in and started talking about some of the stuff I posted yesterday, trying to explain why we need church - not because it is a museum of those who have achieved sinless perfection, but because it is a conduit for the grace of God in our lives, and because we are all so wicked, we need to go to church.

The irony is not hard to find here. He was just blaming David's death on this other person, using very strong and harsh language, and accepting absolutely no personal responsibility for any influence he might have had on David's choices. He was the judgmental one. He was the hypocrite. But worse than that, he was totally blind.

"Therefore, you have no excuse, every one of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things, and we know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things."
- Romans 2:1-2

The Bible never condemns being judgmental, in fact, if being judgmental means observing someone else in sin, and calling it sin, then the Bible actually commands judgment. What it condemns is hypocritical judgment. If I judge someone harshly for doing something I am also doing, that is wrong, but it is right to call sin what it is - sin!

"Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way that you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." - Matthew 7:1-5

What does it mean to take the speck out of your brother's eye? It means that once you are no longer being a hypocrite, you can judge in the proper way, and help your brother. It is no accident that Jesus illustrates His point with eyes and sight. He is pointing out that when you are in sin, you are blinded by that sin, and therefore are not able to help others deal effectively with their sin. But he is not saying that you should just ignore sin in the lives of others.

For more on this point, see the following scriptures:
Matthew 18:15-20
1 Corinthians 5:1-13 (note vss. 3-5 in particular)

Part of the reason we need to go to church is so that we can be lovingly judged by others. God put us in a community because none of us can see ourselves as clearly as we ought to. So we need others to help us with this. God uses people in this process as well as the inner conviction of the Spirit. If I say that my relationship with God is just between me and Him, I short-circuit this process. The key ingredient that determines the difference between judgment that leads to peace and edification, and the judgment that creates division, is love. If we judge in love, and if this judgment is received with humility, it produces growth and maturity.

David's death has given me a much greater sense of urgency when it comes to loving confrontation of my brothers in Christ. I am thinking right now of one person that I know I need to have a conversation with. He is a great guy, but there is one "little thing" that I have noticed before, but have not had the courage to speak up. Well, I am going to speak up now, because I have seen the horrible consequences of what can happen when you don't say anything because you are chicken.

More could be said, but that is enough for now.